Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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