My sheets look like a crime scene.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
