I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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