its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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