God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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