I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
