How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize