I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
