you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
