dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
