he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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