I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
