i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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