I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
