I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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