From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
