I could have mohawked her pubes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
