He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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