honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
