everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you never un-have a 4some
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
