I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
