i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
