Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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