Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
