I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Enjoy the penises
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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