Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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