If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
