my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
