that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
