Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
