It's like God shit irony all over that family
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
