I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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