I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there's paper in my vomit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
pray to the hookup gods
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
