Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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