She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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