I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
