You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
