u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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