...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
