I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
