you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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