I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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