Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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