I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
