Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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