Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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