My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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