Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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