would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
