Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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