barbara walters just said penis...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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