I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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