didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
