The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
