does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
