I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
