Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
