even my farts smell like vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The air was thick with penises
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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