it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
