this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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