Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
