Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

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(408): View more from California

I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(757): View more from Virginia

She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken

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(503): View more from Oregon

I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.

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