dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????