so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is