nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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