I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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