This is not my ceiling
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.