laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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