Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
