The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.