ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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