I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
