You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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