Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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