ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
