Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
