I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
