Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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