i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
