he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
